


All of Me

by speakingwosound (sev313)



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 01:49:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18400691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sev313/pseuds/speakingwosound
Summary: “Here’s what we’re looking at. These are two of America’s favorite power couples.”Dan and Tommy play the Not-So Newlywed Game. There’s a certain kind of irony in that.





	All of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LilyRosePotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyRosePotter/gifts).



> The story behind the [Not-So Newlywed Game](http://everyonewillsee.tumblr.com/post/170497387180/makemethefuckingcake-heres-a-few-minutes-of-the) they played at the live Dolby Theater show in February 2018.

Tommy wakes up to rumbled sheets and Lucca’s head on the pillow next to his. She’s gazing at him reproachfully for, Tommy assumes, having the gall to set his alarm thirty minutes later than usual. Her tail thumps against his side, though, when she sees his eyes open, so he figures she’s not crossing her legs or anything.

“Just a minute,” Tommy promises, pushing himself up so he can reach for the phone buzzing on his bedside table.

It’s not even his alarm. It’s- actually, it’s quite a bit later than he’d set it for and Tommy gives Lucca an apologetic look before turning back to the actual source of the buzzing: a series of increasingly frantic slack messages from Lovett, interspersed with Tanya and Jon and Elijah.

“Sorry, it went off, but you were still fast asleep and I figured you could use a few extra minutes so I took first shower.”

Tommy looks over and feels his mouth go dry. It’s still rare enough that it feels exceptional to have Dan here, in his - _their_ \- bedroom. Not so much his bare chest, still matted down from the shower, or the shape of his calves peeking out from under his towel, although Tommy’s pretty sure he’ll never get used to either of those sights. But more the domesticity of the q-tip in his ear and the normality of the way he’s tilting his head, his eyes still slittled with sleep.

Tommy swallows and pulls a knee to his chest, forcing the sheets into the pool of his lap. 

Lucca gives him an exasperated yelp and jumps off the bed. She stretches at Dan’s feet, her back arching as he laughs and leans down to scratch her ears. “Dad’s being lazy this morning,” he tells her, in that voice he reserves just for her and, Tommy hopes in that deep part of himself he hasn’t quite voiced yet, the children that fill Tommy’s dreams.

Tommy chuckles. “She’s just spoiled.”

“As she should be,” Dan defends. He crosses to the glass door and slides it open, stretching to let her out. The knot of the towel slips a little and Tommy wishes he could will it to slip even further with just his mind.

“She doesn’t keep _you_ awake every night,” Tommy tries to joke, quickly, too quickly, then swears at himself as he sees the tightening in Dan’s spine. Tommy sighs. “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry.”

Dan takes a deep breath, his back muscles bunching and pulling. Then he tosses the q-tip into the trash and turns, placing his knee on the bed and leaning towards Tommy. “Soon,” he promises. His eyes are lidded and his smile is real and he has the grace not to note, for the five hundredth time, that it’s _Tommy_ who’s holding them back.

Tommy nods, reaching for Dan’s shoulders and pulling Dan towards him. He spread his knees, catching and opening the knot of Dan’s towel as Dan settles between them, his bare hips burning through the thin sheet separating them. Dan’s smile slides into a smirk and he runs his fingers up Tommy’s thighs, pushing them a little further apart.

Tommy’s phone buzzes again from where he’d dropped it in the sheets. He swears. “Fuck. That’s Lovett. He’s scheduled a 9am.”

Dan presses a kiss to Tommy’s collarbone.

Tommy turns his head, giving Dan more space even as he tries again. “It’s probably just about the Crooked 7 or something, but, Jon and Tanya seem nervous about it, too.”

Dan hums against Tommy’s skin. “We better be quick then.”

Tommy laughs and sinks down into the pillows. He doesn’t argue anymore.

***

They’re late. They might have made it, if Tommy hadn’t insisted on distracting them both in the shower afterwards, or if Lucca hadn’t suddenly decided that she’s terrified of the car, or if they didn’t still have to stagger their entrances, but, things being as they are, they are definitely late.

Tommy sits in the driver’s seat, petting Lucca’s back as they both watch Dan walk away. He has a duffle slung over his shoulder with a change of clothes for tonight but he’s still managing to swagger as he crosses the parking lot. He stops at the door to throw a wink and a wave back at them, and then he disappears.

Lucca whines, butting her head against Tommy’s chin. “I know,” Tommy tells her. He reaches into the backseat for his own briefcase and change of clothes. “This is ridiculous, I know.”

She tries to slink into the window as he pulls his hand back, her leash clutched between his fingers. He rolls his eyes and clips it to her harness, anyway, and then steps out. He checks that Lucca’s secure in his arms, taps his briefcase to check that his laptop is there, pulls on the door handle to check that he’s locked it, and brings his hand up to tap, briefly, at his neck to check that the gold ring is still there. Then he squares his shoulders and heads into the building.

Leo and Pundit meet them at the door, tails wagging until they catch sight of Lucca, and then they both hightail it back to Little Marco. Lovett cranes his neck around them to call out the door, “nice of you to join us.”

Tommy flips him off on his way to his desk so he can drop his bags into his chair and snag his laptop.

“I can take her, if you want.”

Tommy looks up to see Pri’s hands raised towards Lucca. Tommy hands her over, making sure neither Lucca nor Pri get twisted in her leash. _Thank you_ , he mouths. 

She grins and motions towards the conference room. “Everyone’s a little up tight this morning.”

Tommy chuckles and ignores the way his chest twists with nerves. The Dolby is a big deal. A home crowd of thirty-five hundred people who paid good money to see _them_. Thirty-five hundred people who had to _fight over tickets_ to see them. It’s a big fucking deal.

Tommy lets the glass door to the conference room slick shut behind him and takes the only free chair between Jon and Tanya. He ignores Jon’s worried look and instead glares at Lovett. “Are we gonna get started or just stare at each other all morning?”

“Some of us have been ready for hours,” Lovett shoots back. “Some of us even brought in donuts for _our staff_ , who have been working tirelessly around the clock so that an upstart little podcast can make a good showing at the goddamn Dolby Theatre. Where - and I don’t know if you know this - but the Oscars are filmed?”

Jon makes an affronted noise. “Who’s idea were the donuts?”

Lovett glares at him. “Who bought them?”

“It was a drive through.” Jon’s eyes narrow. “You were driving.”

Lovett shrugs. “It was my credit card.”

“It was the company card,” Jon rolls his eyes.

“Your intrepid staff,” Tanya interrupts, “still has a lot of work to do, so if we could move this along a little?”

Lovett sits back, chastised. Tommy could kiss Tanya, but he makes a mental note to buy her anything she wants for lunch, instead.

“We’ve changed up a few of the games for tonight,” Lovett says. “We’re gonna use the Hannity piece for OK Stop and we’ve added a thing with Jimmy Kimmel, but the pièce de résistance was Elijah’s idea.”

Elijah wraps his hands around the cow mug he’d stolen off Michael during last year’s White Elephant and leans forward. “You’ve heard of the Newlywed Game?”

Tommy frowns. “The game show? Where couples answer questions about their relationship?”

Elijah nods. “Yeah. I thought it would be funny if we played the Not-So Newlywed and John Legend agreed so-”

“Well, Chrissy agreed,” Tanya corrects. “John didn't have much say in it.”

Lovett laughs. “Elijah and Travis have been working on the questions and it's gonna be really fun.”

Tommy nods. “That sounds cool. Who are they competing with? Is Kimmel's wife coming?’

Elijah shakes his head and bites his lip. “You and Dan.”

Tommy frowns. “Me and Dan what?” Tommy's stomach sinks before he even finishes asking.

“You and Dan are gonna play the other couple.” Jon's grinning. His leg is shaking under the table, the way it always done when he thinks he's come up with something really special and is waiting for affirmation. “Isn’t it perfect?”

Tommy has to look away from his blinding smile. Across the table, Dan's looking at him, his face unreadable but his hand at his collar, where his own ring sits in the hollow of his neck. Tommy shakes his head. “I'm terrible at acting, you all know that. Someone else should do it. Erin, maybe?”

“Erin and Jon are doing the Kimmel interview.” Tanya shakes her head. “This'll be funnier anyway. We have a bunch of questions from 2008. You'll love them.”

Jon laughs. “Don't worry, Tom, you'll remember these questions.”

Tommy nods. That isn't quite what he's worried about. He’s not worried about knowing the answers. He remembers everything that's happened between the moment Dan stepped off that plane in New Hampshire with a full head of hair and a reputation that preceded him, and the moment Dan reached for Tommy’s hand that very first time and pulled Tommy into his bedroom.

Tommy feels a foot stomp down on his under the table and he blinks. He cheeks feel flushed and Dan is trying to catch his eyes. Tommy ignores him, trying, desperately, to find a way to get out of this. By any means that isn't the truth.

“Besides,” Lovett says, easily, already gathering up his things, “Chrissy Teigen's already agreed, so, you can suck it up for a few minutes on stage. Now, where are those donuts? They better not all be gone, I'm starving.”

***

Tommy spends the rest of the day alternately trying to beg the Not-So Newlywed Game questions off of Elijah and reading through the Crooked Breaking News Slack channel in an attempt to curb nerves with over-preparation. He does buy Tanya lunch and doesn’t balk at the extra smoothie and $8 homemade iced tea she adds to the order. Tommy barely touches his own chicken salad and feeds half of it to Lucca and Pundit, who decides that her love for chicken overcomes her fear of Lucca and takes up residence on Tommy’s feet.

Dan spends most of the day in and out of the studio, recording pick-ups and ads to take full advantage of his rare time in studio. Every time he comes back into the office, for his phone charger or a new script or to ask Michael a political question, he frowns at Tommy and Slacks, “relax.”

Tommy glares over his laptop and Slacks back, “I _am_ relaxed. I’m so relaxed I’m the goddamn poster child for the Soothe app.”

Dan chuckles, out loud, and types back, “what a tagline. _Wanna be wound tighter than the largest ball of string? Try Soothe_.”

“I saw the largest ball of string once,” Tommy writes back. “Nothing much else to do in Kansas.”

“Canvassing,” Dan offers, also out loud, then disappears back into the studio.

Tanya looks up from her desk, frowning at Dan’s retreating back. Tommy sighs and explains, “he doesn’t really get that Slack’s a silent thing,” before turning back to his script for the show.

Mid-afternoon, they all head to the Dolby for soundcheck. Tommy watches from the wings as his lighting double sits, stands, crosses his legs, and waves his hands on Elijah’s orders. The lighting crew follows his movements, playing with the soft and hardness of Tommy’s spotlight.

Tommy feels Dan step up next to him. “Do I really gesture that wide when I talk?” Tommy asks, without looking over.

Dan shrugs. His shoulder brushes against Tommy’s. “When your hackles are really up? Sometimes.”

Tommy frowns at him. “I do not.”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” Dan laughs. He takes an impossible inch closer and drops his voice. “If you’re really bothered by the game, I can say something to Tanya. Make up an excuse about your embarrassing crush on John Legend and the things you might let slip if you have to be on stage with him.”

Tommy snorts. “Not John Legend I’m worried about.”

Dan’s eyes dance in the low lights backstage. “We can tell her about your embarrassing, definitely requited crush on me, if you’d rather. Wouldn’t be as believable though.”

Tommy elbows his ribs. “Self-deprecation isn’t attractive.” He reaches up to touch the ring around his neck. “You’re really not worried?”

Dan shrugs. “I’m a little amused by the irony.”

Tommy groans.

“But, honestly?” Dan shrugs. “I was watching you from afar for so long. There’s nothing they can ask that I wouldn’t have been able to answer long before I married you.”

Tommy swallows.

Tommy’s still not sure how he could have been so wrong for so many years. When he’d landed on Dan’s doorstep forty-eight hours after the 2016 election, with the beginnings of an idea for a media company and a shattered heart, Tommy had been absolutely certain that Dan would send him packing, on both accounts.

Dan had done the opposite. He’d taken Tommy’s hand and kissed him with all the desperation of a drowning man. He’d spread Tommy’s knees and rebuilt himself in the curve of Tommy’s thighs. And then, when they were both lying in the rumpled sheets afterwards, Dan had traced the curve of Tommy’s ribs and had tried to poke holes in his burgeoning media company with the same single-mindedness he had used on all his passion projects in the White House.

Sometimes, Tommy thinks, he could have happily stayed in that bed forever. Buried himself in Dan’s body and waited out the Trump presidency with only the help of Postmates and Amazon Fresh.

Except Tommy had promised Jon and Lovett and he had believed in Crooked Media. Dan had believed in Crooked Media, too. So Tommy spent his days at Dan’s kitchen table, his phone practically glued to his ear, and his nights in Dan’s bed, his lips practically glued to Dan’s skin, and he hadn’t told anyone. 

At first, because they were arguing over Dan’s contract, or, Sarah was, but, still. What they had was new and fragile, on both sides, and Tommy wasn’t willing to risk either. 

And then, once the contract was signed, because, according to Elijah, they had personas to maintain as the faces of Crooked. So while Lovett was the funny one and Jon was the earnest one, Tommy was the foreign policy expert, as comfortable talking to third-world dictators and drug lords as members of Congress. Tommy was serious and white-washed, approachable and never off-putting. Tommy had never quite been able to figure out how Dan fit into that.

Besides, whatever Tommy’s heart might have wanted, his life had been moving further and further from Dan’s. Four hundred miles down the coast, to a ridiculously large house with a cacti garden and a stone walkway that cost the same as his one-bedroom in San Francisco.

Tommy had been counting down his last few weeks in San Francisco in lasts. His last meal at the oyster bar around the corner from Dan’s apartment. His last night in Dan’s bed. The last rant he’d get to hear in his boxers and with a toothbrush in his mouth. His last kiss, standing on the curb, his back against his packed car and Dan’s hands so tight on his hips. The last kiss, Tommy worried, that would ever make his toes curl and his knees ache.

Against all odds, though, Tommy’s heart had still wanted and, against even steeper odds, Dan’s had, too. So, when Tommy had made the trip to San Francisco for New Year’s just five weeks ago, Dan had taken Tommy’s joke that ‘absence really does make the heart grow fonder’ and raised it with ‘little hard to do when you’re already the love of my life.’ Everything’s a little blurry after that, although Tommy’s absolutely certain that he was the one to raise the stakes again, this time to the court house.

So, now, Tommy has a dresser in SF and a ring that hangs on a chain around his neck. He has Crooked every day and Dan in his ear every night. And he has a looming choice to make, sooner, hopefully, rather than later.

Tommy reaches up to pull his ring out of his shirt collar. The gold glints off the lights and Tommy sees Dan’s hand make an aborted move to touch it. On stage, they’re just starting to wrap up the lighting and Tommy risks a quick squeeze of Dan’s fingers. “We’re gonna blow John and Chrissy out of the water.”

Dan laughs, a little surprised, and shakes his head. “Should have known competition was the answer.”

“You really should have,” Tommy agrees, as he steps back and tucks his ring back into his collar. He winks at Dan and steps out of the wings.

Tanya grins and motions him over. “Perfect, you’re just in time for soundcheck.”

***

Lovett starts the Not-So Newlywed game with a joke to John and Chrissy - “I one day hope to look at Tommy and have Tommy look at me the way the two of you look at each other when you walk on stage” - that erases all the good will Tommy had gathered by making it through the news and his one-on-one interview with John Legend unscathed.

He had just gotten his knees to stop shaking and his hands to stop unconsciously tapping his cue cards against his knee after the third time Elijah had rolled his eyes from the wings, muttering about sensitive microphones and ambient sound. Lovett ruins it all in an instant though. For a cheap laugh that, Tommy tells himself, he would have laughed at, too. If it were as implausible as it sounds. If Lovett knew just how not implausible it was. If it weren't based in those same artificial and trite personas that Tommy hadn't quite realized he was leaning into until it was too late to draw back, even around the people he loves most.

Lovett continues, leaning into his own ready-made, play-it-for-laughs persona, oblivious to the turmoil roiling in Tommy. “Here's what we're looking at. These are two more of America's favorite power couples. John and Chrissy have been together for more than a decade. They are America's Sweethearts. Tommy and Dan worked together for a decade and there was one hug.”

Dan might have been right about the competitive streak thing. Because Tommy’s pretty sure that it’s his competitive spirit that wants to pull Dan into a full-bodied hug. He hopes it’s something else that makes him want to up the ante with a kiss, in front of his mother and four thousand strangers-turned-fans, but he can’t quite be sure about his own motives.

It doesn’t help that John and Chrissy get the first question right.

“Shit,” Tommy says, both internally and out loud. Dan’s hand twitches on the chair arm closest to him.

The crowd laughs. Lovett laughs, too, winking at Tommy. “Tommy, Dan was on a flight with Barack Obama that accidentally landed in the wrong city. Where were they? And where were they supposed to be?”

Tommy knows this one. From the rapid way Dan’s already scribbling, he thinks Dan does, too. “Two answers?” He asks, just to be sure.

“Who cares?” Lovett asks, with an exaggerated shrug that feels out of proportion to the marriage Tommy has on the line here.

Tommy sighs and turns his whiteboard, expecting them to get their point, except- “Woah, woah, woah.” He glares at the _Davenport_ Dan’s written in his chicken scrawl. Tommy’s stomach rolls with memories of texting Dan from the ground, sitting in _Cedar Rapids_ and waiting for him to land, a hundred doomsday scenarios running through his head. He’d had a little pang of loss, then, picturing Dan crash landing somewhere in rural Iowa with the Candidate. It had taken Tommy a decade to figure out what that pang meant, but all through that time he’d never managed to forget it.

Dan, though, just shrugs at him. Tommy narrows his eyes. “I was there,” Tommy reminds him. _Waiting for you_. “It was Cedar Rapids.”

Dan chuckles nervously rather than responding. Tommy has to keep his fingers wrapped tightly around his white board to keep from fingering the ring around his neck.

“Trouble in paradise,” Lovett laughs, his eyes twinkling. “Follow up question for Dan. What Disgraced figure did Barack Obama defeat, despite this plane mishap, who Tommy actually worked for for several years?”

Tommy groans and buries his head as Dan turns his board around. 

At least they got a point.

Which Tommy thrills over as John trips and squanders his way through Lovett’s next question - “Chrissy was recently blocked by Donald Trump on Twitter. What was her tweet that sent him over the edge?” - with a series of non-answers.

Except, the back and forth ends with Chrissy announcing, “it was ‘lol, no one likes you,’” loud and proud as Dan and John both giggle in the background and the crowd cheers.

Then John grins and responds, just as proudly, “and this is why I love her. This is why I love my wife,” and Tommy’s heart clenches.

Next to him, Dan’s still laughing, although Tommy can read them for what they are, now. The same nervous giggles he uses every time he wants to take Tommy’s hand at the coffee shop at the end of his street in WeHo or tell a revealing story during an ad read or has to clean the signs of himself out of Tommy’s living room before the guys come over. It fills every moment when, if Tommy would let them be a normal couple, Dan would remind him just how much he loves him.

Tommy used to love that giggle and what it represented. Now, it grates against his soul in thick, red lines that scratch deep enough to sting. Now, Tommy wants Dan’s hand in his or to blush in embarrassment at Dan’s story or to feel the flush of heat that still comes every time he sees Dan’s reading glasses on the coffee table next to his latest biography.

Tommy watches as Lovett and Dan stumble through the next question. The crowd laughs at, Tommy figures, his expense, but he’s not listening. He’s watching Dan giggle and smile his way through a game that would have, up until a few months ago, kept Dan up at night. _We’re lying_ , he would have said. _I love you, I want the world to know_ , he would have argued. Now, he clenches the arm of his chair and giggles and smiles like he’s accepted the mask Tommy’s forced him to wear.

Tommy hates it.

Tommy wants Dan to look out at the crowd and talk about him the way John talks about Chrissy.

Tommy wants to be America’s Sweethearts.

Tommy wants to play this fucking game for real and give themselves a fighting chance.

As it is, John and Chrissy win. The game, the applause, the hearts of the four thousand people at the Dolby and the million listening at home. 

Tommy consoles himself with the knowledge that the game was rigged. He and Dan never stood a fighting chance, because Tommy had stacked the cards against them before they even went on stage. Tommy has maybe, even, stacked the deck against their marriage, which, now that he’s standing backstage with his shoulders pressed between Lovett and Jon listening to John Legend sing _All of Me_ less than ten feet in front of him, seems like an unfair and unnecessary disadvantage.

Tommy takes a step back, tilting his head as Dan catches his eye. Dan looks, momentarily, out at the stage, then falls into step with Tommy, the way he always does. The way he always has. Tommy’s heart thumps, madly, against his chest.

Dan frowns at him as he follows Tommy into a dark corner backstage. Tommy’s mom is at the curtain, clapping and swaying to John Legend. Elijah and Tanya are both more focused on the song then on the lighting. Jon and Lovett are enthralled, their shoulders brushing as they rock in place.

Tommy reaches up, ignoring the way Dan flinches back, to unlock the chain around Dan’s neck. “When I married you,” Tommy says, softly, sliding Dan’s ring into his palm. “I meant everything I said. I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out what that meant.”

Dan’s smile softens. “You mean it, now. That’s all that matters.”

Tommy shakes his head. He takes Dan’s hand and slides the ring slowly onto his ring finger. He thinks, dangerously, that this is the moment he’ll tell their grandchildren about. Backstage, with the artificial light washing them both out, Dan’s hand shaking in his, _All of Me_ playing on stereo all around them. “And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get my shit together. Will you come out with me?”

Dan laughs, wet and disbelieving. He ducks his head, searching for something in Tommy’s eyes as he lowers his voice. “You don’t have to do this. I can wait, for as long as you need.”

“Well,” Tommy swallows, taking off his own chain and dropping his ring into Dan’s palm. “I can’t wait any longer.”

Dan swallows. He clenches his fist, tightly, around the ring, then takes Tommy’s hand in his. His fingers are shaking so much worse than even Tommy’s are. “I love you so much, Tommy. I’d come out with you, over and over again.”

Tommy chuckles as the ring slides into place. It feels heavy against his knuckle. “Good, because I have the feeling we’ll be doing this, over and over again. But, ready to start?”

Dan nods, slow and steady. 

Tommy risks a quick, desperate kiss against Dan’s lips, then falls back to his heels. He twists his hand with Dan’s, feeling the brush of gold against gold, and shivers as he steps up to the wings. Jon and Lovett both turn at the sound of their footsteps. 

Tommy swallows. He doesn't release Dan’s hand. “Hey, guys, you have a moment? Dan and I have something to tell you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos much appreciated! Please come find me on [tumblr](http://stainyourhands.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
